Sunday morning I went to nurse Evan and he laid against me and put his thumb in his mouth I tried to remove his thumb and help him latch but just fussed, so we gave him a bottle. I tried again on Monday morning and was met w/the same results so I figured that meant he was done. Taryn would latch but would only nurse for a few minuets on one side so I figured she was done too. I am kind of sad that it is over but I knew the end was coming. I have been fighting supply issues for the past few months and Taryn had dropped all her day time feedings in the past 6 weeks or so which just exacerbated the issue w/my supply. Some ways I feel like I failed as I was short of my goal by 2 weeks...it feels kind of like running 25 miles of a marathon and not finishing. The other side of me says I did good to make it 11.5 months. I learned a lot and if I ever get the chance to nurse again, I think I will do so much better and be more confident in my ability to nurse.
Nursing was such a struggle for me. I have since learned that a lot of women struggle w/it in the beginning...it just doesn't seem that anyone talks about it. The hardest part in the beginning is Evan wouldn't latch. We finally tried a nipple shield and voila he latched. Taryn latched immediately at the hospital, I was thinking "yay, I have at least one child who will nurse". But then they put a pacifier in her mouth at the hospital, and all of a sudden she wouldn't latch anymore :-(. We tried the nipple shield w/her as well and it did the trick. So thus, began our journey. Having to use the shield was extremely frustrating, it affected the milk transfer, which I wasn't aware of at the time, so Evan would nurse 45-60 min each time and still seemed to be hungry afterwards. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I must not have enough milk. Taryn seemed to do a little better, nursed for shorter periods of time and seemed satisfied afterwards. I tried to start weaning from the shield at about 6-7 weeks but then I got Thrush and Evan got Thrush and then Taryn got Thrush, so I re-introduced the shield so we didn't keep giving it back to each other. That was very painful for all of us. I think both babies were finally weaned from the shield by 10 weeks but the damage had been done...my supply though adequate wasn't really enough to exclusively breast feed both babies all day. So we kept them on formula for their bedtime feedings. I wanted to quit nursing every single day for the first 3 months. I just didn't feel like I was doing a very good job w/it and Evan always seemed hungry. I felt very defeated. But we kept truckin along and then finally after about 3-4 months things seemed to get easier. The feeding lengths got shorter and by 5 months we were on a great schedule. I am so glad we stuck it out and even though I didn't quite make my goal, I know I did the best I could for my little ones. And I am proud of myself for not quitting when I so desperately wanted to. I am going to miss that part of our relationship but this is just part of them growing up, I can hardly believe they are almost 1 year old. The time has gone by so fast. I love my little angels and cherish every moment I have w/them.
2 comments:
*round of applause* Way to go, mama!!! You gave your twins such a wonderful gift, and it wasn't easy. You can absolutely say that you BF the twins for a year... the 2 weeks in the scheme of things is nothing.
Congratulations!
Gena - you deserve a medal! Don't short change yourself one tiny bit. The gumption you had to keep going speaks volumes of the depth of love you have for those babies. And screw the one year goal - even you know babies don't work by calendars. You did what every tree hugger mama aspires to - you let your babies decide when they were ready to wean. You let them lead and it's perfect just the way it is. I can empathize with "mourning" the close to the chapter. I cried when Maddie weaned... she didn't shed a tear! You have done such a wonderful job and you're about to be rewarded with a whole new exciting chapter. Way to go mama!
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