Day 6: Legal Swiss

Starbux was the aroma of the morning as day 6 of our trip began. Once again successful at the sleep preservation methods, our appointment was even later than the last: 1115 this morning. It was yet another great checkup, this time having follicles both of legal drinking and legal driving (separate, of course!!) sizes....the leader of the pack is at 22mm, with a total of 5 over 18mm. Our baby swiss is indeed aging nicely and we await a call later this evening that will likely be the one to confirm that we are triggering late tonight or early tomorrow morning. We had a candid chat with Tina, on the of nurses, to review the procedures for the next couple of days. The good news about trigger is that it drops Gena's shots from three per day to just one.

The call came in just after 5pm today with confirmation of trigger....which is a day earlier than we did at Walter Reed and good news to us....the "ooof" part of the news is that we have to give the shot at exactly 0230 in the morning tomorrow (Sunday morning)....that doesn't help the sleep schedule very much, but it's a necessary sacrifice, of course. So we'll burn the midnight oil and ensure we are on time for the injection. That means will have the rest of the day Sunday off and go back in to the clinic on Monday afternoon at 1300 for a 1430 retrieval surgery. Then we'll just wait and see how many they get, how many are successfully fertilized, and how they end up growing. Things are progressing well, and we've hoped and prayed they would. It'll be a late night, but it's the start of the next mini-phase for this cycle.

Day 5: Driving Age

It's day #5 of our trip and it started with a trip to Starbux and then a trip over to the clinic. We have successfully obtained later and later appointments...started with 0930 and by today are up to 1o15. At this rate, if we don't have our trigger on the earlier side of the timeline we might need to bring dinner to our checkup appointments!! :-) But can you blame us for wanting the extra sleep if we can get it? At any rate, it was another very good checkup. The staff is extremely happy with the way that Gena is progressing. We still have a baker's dozen (or more) of follicles, with two that are are above 18mm and one that is just below it; the other's fall in line all the way from 14-16mm. One marker they use is driving age, as they want at least three follicles to be 18mm or greater before they will look to trigger. So it's not enough for the follicles to have their permit...they've gotta have the license to "drive". So we'll go back for another checkup tomorrow morning to get another assessment....which we figure will be the one that will have us trigger either late Sat night or early Sunday morning for a Monday retrieval. E2 level is progressing nicely and was 1306...which was right at 200 points less than on the same cycle day at Walter Reed. That being one of our concerns, it's nice to see where it is at for this cycle.

Overall, another great day. Spent a few hours after the appointment over at the mall in Tyson's Corner...enjoyed some TGI Friday's while seeing what Pottery Barn Kids and Restoration Hardware had to offer....lots of fun things to deck out a nursery with....so we sure do hope we can spend some money with them in the not too distant months! :-) Silver Spring continues to be a great place to stay as were getting to enjoy the perks of downtown living....which, yes, is a far cry from they way things are back in the stickland they call Warner Robins, GA.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Day 4: Teenagers!

It's day four of our stay here, and we were back at the clinic this AM at 1000 for our checkup. Margaret, our ultrasound tech, was her enthusiastic self again and commented that things are looking very very good. We've got a baker's dozen for the follicle count, with the leader of the pack measuring in at 17 millimeters; the others range from 10-15mm. We are continuing on the lowered dosage of meds and it appears to be working very well. E2 level today was 946 and we are projected to trigger on Saturday, 19 Jul. That would be a day earlier in the cycle than we triggered at Walter Reed...and actually the day we feel that we should have triggered when we cycled with them. So overall words today were once again great, and they are truly keeping a close eye on our progress which is such a good and reassuring feeling.

Today's "tourist" travels took us to the White House....went and took in the views from both the North and South lawns....was a short but great trip. Riding the metro is always a fun adventure, and we took in some lunch at Uno's Pizzaria in Union Station.

Overall, another great day on our journey with Shady Grove and another great day overall here in DC. Staying downtown in Silver Spring continues to be a fun experience, with so much within walking distance. Day four finished up with some good relaxin'; we'll be back at the clinic tomorrow morning.

Day 3: Growing Up

Day 3 started with another trip to the clinic. Dr. Chang joined the ultrasound tech, Margaret, this morning for the appt. It was Chad's first chance to meet him, and it was great to see him come down for a first hand checkup...he showed genuine interest and explained his view of how things were progressing (which was well); targeting us, at this point, for a potential day 10 trigger on Sunday, 20 Jul. The ultrasound showed solid follicle growth; the count stood at 12 follicles...the largest of which was 12 millimeters...so they are right on pace. Overall, another successful and short appt at the clinic (they surely are efficient in processing their patients)...so nice to have an actual appt time as opposed to Walter Reed's Southwest Airlines-style cattle call of getting seen in the order that you rumbled in, which started at 0600.

Shady Grove's Rockville office is an extremely nice facility, and the staff has been exceptional thus far. There's an extra degree of comfort and peace of mind when you know that you are valued as an individual patient/case rather than seen as just another number in an endless cycle of procedures.

This evening's call from the clinic confirmed Gena's excellent progression thus far and has us going back tomorrow morning for another checkup. E2 level was 556 (Gena won the bet for closest to the actual number) and was the recipient of two scoops of ice cream from Ben-and-Jerry's (seven layer coconut bar and Whirled peace...two new flavors and oh they were good!!)

That's it for Day 3....all is well.

Day 2: Nice Ovary!

Today was our first appointment at Shady Grove. Chad got to get the indoc of the facility, as it as his first visit to the clinic. It is extremely nice and the staff is cordial and prompt. Our visit lasted 40 minutes, and we were headed out with good news and a picture to prove it.

Margaret, our ultrasound tech commented, "You go girl" when she saw how many follicles Gena had (and in just one ovary.) The progress was solid and the growing group numbered 15 in total.

Gena is on 3 shots a day right now; it may be one less per day than our last cycle with Walter Reed, but it's still three pricks a day and that's not fun!

The clinic called this evening and lowered the dosage on one of the drugs; a change which we fully expected and one which showed us that they truly are closely watching us as an individual case rather than trying to fit us into a standard protocol. Tomorrow was an expected day off, but they want us to come in for a checkup so we'll be back at the clinic at 0945 tomorrow.....guess it's Panera Bread for breakfast, once more :-)more

Nash and Teebo stayed back in GA this time...and we sure do miss them!

We spent the evening over at Spark and Gina's place....had a great dinner and they took us to a great custard place called "The Dairy Godmother" for dessert. They are doing very well and are expecting the birth of their son Samuel in Oct. They are treasured friends!

Well, that summed up day 2 of our trip. More to follow as we continue through this cycle.

Day 1: "Interstate" SHADY GROVE

The curtain has once again opened on our parenthood journey; with our first cycle at Walter Reed putting us on the exit ramp with a negative, we have re-merged on the road...now traveling down Interstate Shady Grove, as we work with the Shady Grove Fertility Clinic here in Rockville, MD (just a stone's throw north of Washington DC.) We are participating in their
Shared Risk program, which had a mountain of an expense to enter into but offers as much "comfort" (and there is often very little on the infertility journey) as is possible. If at first we don't succeed, we'll get to try-try again.

We drove 12.5 hours yesterday from Kathleen, GA, to get here. Arrived at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Silver Spring, MD. This was one of our fun spots to come to during our last trip, so we decided to skip staying at Bolling AFB like we did last time and stay downtown where all the action was!

We're settled in and ready for part two of this journey, which has now encompassed three plus years. And we come here knowing one thing...that we've done all we can to prepare our field; and we trust that God will, if it is part of his plan for us, let it rain. We've given everything we have, and leave the results up to God.

Finally an Update

Well as I am sure most have already heard and those who haven't probably could have assumed as we have been a bit delayed in our update our test came back negative. We were prepared for it as we had a lot of signs (I won’t go into detail :-) ) that pretty much let us know a few days before test day. I would like to be able to say that we shrugged it off and said "we'll get it next time" but honestly it has not been so easy. To be honest this has probably been one of the toughest weeks of my life. The pain is beyond anything I can really explain, the hope diminished and the fear so real. The fear comes from the realization that this just may not be in the cards for us. I know the easy answer for anyone who has a faith walk is that 'well then it is not meant to be' and as much as I would love to jump on the bandwagon of acceptance for whatever God's plan is for me it is not that easy when his plan may exclude children for Chad and I. At some point we will have to come to accept it as we will need to in order to be able to get on with our lives and find happiness once again. I just know it will be a tough journey to that place where we can come to peace with his answer to our deepest prayers and desires.

Test day was last Monday and it was a difficult day and the hospital did not make it any easier for me. It took me until the afternoon to even get the nerve up to go and get the blood test taken (it is a requirement even if you know the results as Walter Reed requires a documented test result). I first went to the clinic on base as I thought it would be the easiest place to do it even though it would take longer to get the results back (no big deal though as we knew the outcome). Well, I showed up at the lab and after waiting for 30 min I was told that they do not do HCG blood pregnancy test at the lab on base and I would have to go the hospital down town, so there I went. I showed up at the hospital and signed in and waited for my turn to be called up to the counter so they can register me and then put me in the que for my blood draw. After about another 30 or so min. I was finally called up to be registered, or at least I thought, I walk up to the counter and handed them the order for the blood draw that I received from Walter Reed on transfer day, they looked at it for about 5 min and then told me that it did not have a diagnosis on it so they could not perform the test. I asked the obvious question "wouldn't you need a pregnancy test to make a diagnosis????" Seems logical to me but not to them. Then I had to explain our situation about having IVF and such done, did I mention that there is absolutely no privacy and there is a room full of people, like I wanted these strangers to know my personal business. I was very agitated at this point, sad and angry. I just wanted to get the test over so it could be done and I could go home and cry. Of course that did not happen I had to wait for them to call Walter Reed to confirm the requirements. After they had their paperwork squared away I finally got my test done and had to wait another hour for the results so I could fax them to Walter Reed. The good news is I got it done and was able to maintain my composure.

I don’t know where we go from here. This road is a much tougher journey than I could have ever imagined. It is a part of my life that I would love to put behind me and just look to the future. I am not exactly sure how to do that. I know I hurt for Chad just as he hurts for me. I think the pain of disappointment for each other is worse than the pain we feel for ourselves. It is hard for me not to feel responsible for Chad having to go through this. That is something that is hard for me to get past. Of course he says it is nonsense and he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. He is such a great guy.

Today was my first day back to work since Dec 14. I enjoyed my time off and hated having to go back to work today but it is probably the best thing for me right now. It got me out of my PJ's for the first time in a week and I think I actually made it an entire day w/out crying so I'm making progress :-). Of course the day is not over yet :-)

I know a lot of people wonder if we will try again and I can honestly say, I don’t know. Before we started this latest journey we thought we would do 3 cycles and then go from there but after this first one I am not sure. There is a huge financial and emotional investment and it is very difficult when everything is going just how you prayed for it to go and then in the end it doesn't. It makes us a little gun shy to want to go through all of those emotional highs and lows. Then the reality hits us that we could walk away from this down $24K and still not have a baby. Not trying to put a price tag on what it would mean to us to have a child but after spending $24K on treatments there may not be much left for adoption, if we decided to go down that road which I know has its own emotional highs and lows. So really there is no easy answer for us and one that I do not think we are ready to answer.

For those who are curious our friends that we met there did find success and we could not be happier for them. I will admit it was hard for me to hear at first but I can honestly say that I am so thrilled that they do not have to go through what Chad and I are experiencing right now. The hard thing is that she and I are the exact same age, we transferred the same quality embryos on the same day just a few minutes apart and hers worked and ours did not. And that is just the way it goes sometimes.

Thank you to everyone who has loved and supported and prayed for Chad and I through this journey we could not have done it without you and your prayers. We continue to give our thanks and praise to God for all the gifts he has given us and continue to hope that somewhere in our future is a precious baby for us to love.... Love to all Gena and Chad